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The main reason accessing treatment for my eating disorder was so problematic is because my condition is a comorbid mental and physical health issue. I can be classed as suffering from anorexia binge/purge subtype ... However, I have the added complication of being a type 1 diabetic.

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25 May 2018

Not Sick Enough

My name is Carly. I have had bulimia for eight years, and I have never been treated for it.

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While all eating disorders and the people who suffer from them are completely different, what they often have in common is that they revolve around control.

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4 June 2018

Changing

It's not that I didn't know the health risks. I researched enough, was told enough times to know that I was hurting my body, but sometimes you get to the stage where you stop caring.

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Maisie talks about her experience of exam pressure and how this impacted on her eating disorder.

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I always wanted to recover and get rid of the thoughts and feelings going around my head. I wanted to release some control and be able to live a 'normal' life again like I had before my eating disorder had reared its ugly head. I wanted to be 'normal'.

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For the past year, I’ve been battling an eating disorder. Despite having seen multiple health professionals and had treatment for it, this is one of the first times I’ve ever really admitted I DO have an eating disorder.

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At first it was a quiet niggle, an increase in talking about food and diet with friends, a new obsession over healthy eating, making excuses to skip meals. Any discreet way to avoid food. At least, I thought I was being discreet.

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14 May 2018

Don't worry.

They're the words you tell someone who is buried deep under revision or coursework. They're also the words you say to someone who is in recovery from an eating disorder.

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Dear me, the girl with the laughing face. Hard times are coming. You’re going to hate your body, detest the very skin you reside in, yet obsess over it, every inch of skin.

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Our bodies are wonderful and they are so much more than how they look. My body carried me through a difficult trek in the Sahara desert.

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I was born as a Muslim, but never knew anything about it. At a time when I was searching for answers to the purpose of my life, I found all the answers.

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23 March 2018

It's worth it

I am still in the grips of my eating disorder, but that doesn’t mean I’m backing down!

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The most important thing I have learnt is that treatment (although important and necessary) doesn't work unless you do. No one can drag you through recovery or do recovery for you.

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I have no doubt this is going to be a long road, but I am sick (no pun intended) and tired of having this secret and hating myself.

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11 April 2018

Just keep swimming

An eating disorder is like a pair of armbands, keeping you afloat when otherwise you feel like you would drown. It makes life easier in many cases – by holding onto your disorder you feel like you have control and feel like you are able to accomplish things.

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12 March 2018

For myself

When I became a parent, my eating disorder didn’t magically disappear. When she was a baby and I was home alone with her, there was no one to check up on me, no one to HAVE to eat in front of.

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Even though I sometimes feel that I woke up one day with an eating disorder out of nowhere, that definitely wasn’t the case. It grew over many weeks, months, even years.

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I feel unable to say I have anorexia because my eating disorder makes me think my weight and my thoughts and behaviours around controlling food are normal. I am afraid I don’t deserve treatment, and my eating disorder tells me if my BMI isn’t as low as it could possibly be then it isn’t low enough.

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I started engaging in unhealthy habits in the summer after my first year of university. I had loved every moment; I’d joined a gym and swimming club, met an incredible group of friends and felt settled in my degree.

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