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Since turning 30, I have come to realise just how much of my life has been wasted and controlled by my eating disorder.
I wake up each morning, I take a deep breath, I sit there and listen, To thoughts in my head.
I have been a digital volunteer for Beat for just over six months now and I can honestly say it is one of the most amazing things that I have ever done.
I imagine my journey as a Beat volunteer started similarly to many of my colleagues – having the difficult and unfortunate experience of encountering an eating disorder up close, in my case from a carer's perspective.
I wanted something positive to come out of the years of stress and struggle that we had and hoped that I could give hope and encouragement to another carer, which is what would have helped me when I was going through the worst times.
At Beat, there has never been any place for judgement nor lack of understanding, which has made each one of my volunteering shifts feel sincerely appreciated, acknowledged and, in a nutshell, special!
Rewind to a few years ago. On the surface, I was a happy 26-year-old who seemed to have her life all worked out... Yet underneath, I was coming up to my tenth year battling bulimia.
This young lady has an eating disorder and it's about time I stop being ashamed and hiding away.
When I was about 13, I stopped eating for a bit, just to see how it felt, what it would do. Prior to this, I don't think I had been even vaguely concerned about my weight and, to be honest, I don't know what it was that triggered it.
Before being diagnosed as having bulimia, I was a happy teenager full of life and always loved going out. Before the diagnosis, I had no clue about eating disorders.
I realised that in the past I did want to get better and be recovered but I wasn’t ready to face the fear, to accept the changes and battle against my eating disorder.
Will you join the Big Jump on Saturday 5 October? Take part along with hundreds of other brave fundraisers, and skydive together to help end the pain and suffering caused by eating disorders.