Your Stories

At the age of 18, during the summer I finished my A-levels before university, I developed anorexia nervosa. It happens quite unconsciously: the obsessive exercise, the compulsive calorie counting.

There are so many reasons why it is important to speak out about an eating disorder as soon as possible, that I could go on forever. The longer that an eating disorder, such as anorexia, goes untreated, the more severe it becomes.

A lot of the information out there is about caring for a child with an eating disorder, rather than an adult. Yet it’s so difficult when they’re an adult as you’re unable to intervene – you have to let them make their own mistakes and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Anorexia was never intended, never wanted and never fully understood. Yet in the September of my second year at university, I somehow found myself being taken on by an intensive outpatient treatment team.

Eating disorders grow in the dark. Sharing my story might help or maybe inspire someone else to keep fighting. It may even help me to get closer to that finish line where I am fully in control.

For the past year, I’ve been battling an eating disorder. Despite having seen multiple health professionals and had treatment for it, this is one of the first times I’ve ever really admitted I DO have an eating disorder.

At first it was a quiet niggle, an increase in talking about food and diet with friends, a new obsession over healthy eating, making excuses to skip meals. Any discreet way to avoid food. At least, I thought I was being discreet.

I always wanted to recover and get rid of the thoughts and feelings going around my head. I wanted to release some control and be able to live a 'normal' life again like I had before my eating disorder had reared its ugly head. I wanted to be 'normal'.

My anorexia started when I was just 11 years old. However, I wasn’t officially diagnosed until 10 years later. That is a decade of illness before I started treatment, by which time my ED was well and truly ingrained.

I have no doubt this is going to be a long road, but I am sick (no pun intended) and tired of having this secret and hating myself.

An eating disorder is like a pair of armbands, keeping you afloat when otherwise you feel like you would drown. It makes life easier in many cases – by holding onto your disorder you feel like you have control and feel like you are able to accomplish things.

I know how daunting it is to think of the recovery journey ahead. I know how easy it is to be deceived into thinking that it’s simpler to let your eating disorder control you and destroy you.