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I know how daunting it is to think of the recovery journey ahead. I know how easy it is to be deceived into thinking that it’s simpler to let your eating disorder control you and destroy you.
The most important thing I have learnt is that treatment (although important and necessary) doesn't work unless you do. No one can drag you through recovery or do recovery for you.
Dear me, the girl with the laughing face. Hard times are coming. You’re going to hate your body, detest the very skin you reside in, yet obsess over it, every inch of skin.
Sometimes it has felt like no progress is being made, and in the dark times we all feel things will never get better. But looking back over those ten years, I can see Ellen has made some remarkable achievements.
I used to believe that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was meant to be like this. That I was my eating disorder.
Finally, for the first time in a long time, my day was not completely structured around when/what I would eat, and my mind was not completely consumed by thoughts of food and my eating disorder.
I was born as a Muslim, but never knew anything about it. At a time when I was searching for answers to the purpose of my life, I found all the answers.
I am still in the grips of my eating disorder, but that doesn’t mean I’m backing down!
I never felt beautiful; I was always a little chubby. I have a tricky family life and a physical disadvantage, so I believed I couldn’t do anything. I was sure I was a disappointment and a load on the people around me.
Our bodies are wonderful and they are so much more than how they look. My body carried me through a difficult trek in the Sahara desert.
I have talked a lot about my struggle with anorexia in the past; however, what I have failed to comment on is what happens after recovery.
From the age of 14 I developed consciousness and insecurities about the way I looked. I was surrounded by a family who were influenced by ‘Slimming World’ and other dietary groups, which reflected on the way I perceived not only myself, but food as well.