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I never felt beautiful; I was always a little chubby. I have a tricky family life and a physical disadvantage, so I believed I couldn’t do anything. I was sure I was a disappointment and a load on the people around me.
Our bodies are wonderful and they are so much more than how they look. My body carried me through a difficult trek in the Sahara desert.
I have talked a lot about my struggle with anorexia in the past; however, what I have failed to comment on is what happens after recovery.
From the age of 14 I developed consciousness and insecurities about the way I looked. I was surrounded by a family who were influenced by ‘Slimming World’ and other dietary groups, which reflected on the way I perceived not only myself, but food as well.
When I became a parent, my eating disorder didn’t magically disappear. When she was a baby and I was home alone with her, there was no one to check up on me, no one to HAVE to eat in front of.
I started suffering from eating disorders when I was just 11 years old. It was a way to deal with the stress that I was facing concerning my parents’ abusive behaviours and divorce, as well as the bullying I was experiencing at school.
It’s been a rocky road but it’s been worth it, and I’ve met some amazing people along the way, including my best friend, whom my life would be so incomplete without.
As I approached 47 years of age I had expected my life to be entering the ‘relaxed’ phase. Not quite pipe and slippers, but I had in my sights sipping tea and eating cucumber sandwiches lying amongst the freshly cut grass of a farmer’s field.
When I first started showing symptoms of anorexia and collapsed at school, the head of pastoral support asked if I had been eating enough. I was in the early stages of anorexia and everything in me wanted to say “No, please help me, I don’t think I’m in control anymore. It started as a diet.”
There are so many things I have gained since deciding to seek help for my eating disorder. While I’m not 100% of the way there, and still have some weight to gain, there have already been so many improvements.
People assume that Anorexia is a strictly female phenomenon. Well, it isn’t. It isn’t selective. It doesn’t matter what sex you are or what colour your skin is. For the past year, I’ve been battling with Anorexia. It hasn’t been easy.
Olympic gold medalists GB women’s hockey team wore their brightest and boldest socks in support of Beat, the UK’s eating disorder charity.