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Instead of living your life pretending it didn’t happen, we need to start embracing the past and using it as an experience that we’ve learnt from.
Not once did I believe I'd be free of the rules of self-cruelty. But here I am, free of my compulsion to lose weight, free of bulimia and with a free mind.
Eating disorders can't be defined precisely; everyone’s illness is different and it's impossible for anyone to understand every symptom and every struggle.
I've seen both sides of this awful spectrum & every stage in between. But hey, I’m still here. I’m still smiling and I’m still fighting.
The demands of maintaining an eating disorder alongside working full-time were too much, and the eating disorder often won.
The thought of recovery is scary, but I’ve got further than I ever dreamed of, and you can too.
I felt sick all the time. Thought about food all the time. Lied and kept secrets and snuck around and hid. I did some terrible things.
But what is it like to live with an eating disorder? I often hear 'you don’t look like you have an eating disorder'.
My head was constantly filled with self-loathing thoughts. I couldn't concentrate on anything other than hating the skin I was in.
At the age of eight, I started to see a change in myself. I started comparing myself to everybody I saw.
For me, this was not simply a journey of losing weight, getting fitter, and gaining strength. In fact, those things were secondary in my mind.
This poem is mainly about the complexity of my anorexia nervosa, which I have suffered from for five years now.