Being diagnosed with autism changed my perspective of my anorexia – Bec’s Story

You could say that this is a stereotypical story. I was diagnosed with anorexia after attending boarding school. I’d had some issues with food before, but it had never got serious until one day – I was crying on my bedroom floor at home begging for my parents to not make me go back to school. I had always felt like an outcast growing up, but I could never put my finger on it. I persevered and later that day my mum drove the trek to school, it didn’t feel right, I didn’t feel right.

For me, my anorexia appeared overnight, I just stopped eating and 2 months later I was taken out of school. I was a shell of my former self and quickly spiralling into the depths of anorexia. But secretly I was happy as I could be at home with my family and not away from them.

Looking back at it now, it all makes sense. My anorexia held a purpose and that was to take back control and escape boarding school; where routines are made for you, your told what to eat, where you should be, and burnout was inevitable. But I didn’t know the real reason why this all felt so wrong. I felt broken.

The relapse recovery cycle went on for years, being sent to different doctors and therapists – I lost hope. In spring 2022 I was eighteen and admitted to a day unit and honestly it saved my life. Not because they were feeding me but because they found something no one had found before. I was autistic. I got fast tracked and by the autumn of 2022 I was diagnosed with autism. At first, I was in disbelief. Up until that point my stereotypes of autism were a twelve-year-old boy who was obsessed with trains and didn’t socialise. I was an eighteen-year-old girl, who was anorexic, an aspiring artist, social, outgoing, bold and wasn’t obsessed with trains. How could I be autistic!? But slowly I began to read into the crossover between anorexia and autism, everything started to make sense.

Recovery did not happen overnight. It was a slow, long, and painful process. Building up the courage to eat and not compulsively exercise. Alongside accepting and understanding my new diagnosis of autism. Lots of tears shed, friendships lost, therapy appointments and the fear of never getting better. But the truth is I wouldn’t trade it in for the life I have now.

Fast forward three years, I’m graduating art school next year, live with lovely people, I’m in a happy relationship with my girlfriend, I’ve been in recovery for over two years, and food is no longer something I use to control my life. Now something I enjoy.

So, to anyone out there who may feel like an outcast, wrong or like you don’t quite fit the mould. Don’t hesitate to talk to your therapist or doctor about the possibilities of being autistic. It’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You are human.