One Size Does Not Fit All - James’ Story

A 6”3, tattooed, rugby-playing, gym fanatic, at his job trying to make himself sick. This was me at the moment I realised that I have an eating disorder. I’d been in denial for two years at this point “How could someone like me have an eating disorder?” I thought. It would then take me a further three to four years from this point to speak out about it and ask for help.

I’ve always been a big eater, it is something that has been engrained in me from a young age. Most of my family and friends know me as Jim the gym goer and rugby player with a big appetite. I’ve been called a human dustbin on more than occasion.

To take you back to my childhood I was overweight for the majority of it. Food was a massive part of my life, and I would often fixate on food, taking any spare opportunity I could to eat, whether it was clearing up the leftovers from people’s plates or eating in secret.

I was bullied a lot for the first two years of my secondary school life, mainly by those in an older year, and a lot of this came down to my weight. There were also a lot of difficulties at home during this time which added to things too…

Fast forward to the end of secondary school. I had lost weight thanks to taking up rugby and likely helped by a growth spurt or two. This is pretty much how I stayed until I discovered a love for weight training when I was 18/19.

The gym was amazing for me, I absolutely blew up in size during my first year. My big appetite and big eater reputation was something that complimented the gym perfectly, well, so I thought.

When I was 20/21 I developed ambitions of becoming a strongman. I’d always loved strongman even when I wasn’t a gym goer, seeing these huge guys lift huge weights. It’s what I thought I wanted to be.

In light of this, I started to try and increase my weight by binge eating. Upon reflection this was the time I’d really started to suffer with my body image. I distinctly remember cutting gym sessions short because I’d seen myself in the mirror and absolutely detested what I saw.

I then embarked on a weight loss journey where I followed a regimented diet plan for the first time in my life. This proved successful and I lost weight. During this diet I’d given myself a “cheat day” as it is so commonly referred to. This day turned out to be the real start of my eating problems. I binged on so much food that day I can’t even begin to recount what I ate. I then spent the entire night trying to make myself sick. After this I thought “I’ll never do that again” until I did.

From here, binging and purging became part of my life. I got great euphoria and satisfaction from having all this food in front of me and eating it as quickly as I could; it is like being in a trance. Once I had eaten all of the food, that is when the feeling of incredible lowness starts. I became so emotional, upset and feel so hopeless. I will then go on to purge to try and get the feelings of guilt and sadness out of me, but this never works, it only adds to it.

The other side to my eating spectrum was extreme restriction. I became so averse to food that the thought of it or even going near it makes me feel nauseous and anxious. When I get hungry during my restriction cycles my brain will tell me things like “you don’t deserve food” and “you’re going to get fat” amongst other weight related slurs about myself. I knew full well I needed to eat but these mental blocks are just so powerful along with the huge fear I had of “being fat”.

Even when I wasn’t binging and purging or restricting, I constantly had food on my mind. I’d be thinking about when can I eat next, or when can I binge next? It can be utterly exhausting battling with your mind over something that controls your life and livelihood like food does…

This brings me onto the more positive things. How I ended up getting help.

I had a mental breakdown at the start of 2025, following numerous things that had been manifesting for a long time. During this time my eating disorder was in full force. It would usually be extremely aggressive during times of stress and because of this I’d stopped pursuing my passion of going to the gym.

I had never sought any help for my eating problems or my mental health in general. I was so ashamed to admit that I was a man with an eating disorder, and I was trying to be far too proud to admit I needed help in other areas too.

I’d been metaphorically drowning for a long time, and this came to a head after a very troubling version of events. I confided in someone close to me and they told me that I needed to go and speak to someone. I remember saying something along the lines of “what is anyone going to do for me?” but thankfully they spurred me to contact my GP, and the ball started rolling from there.

I’m still toward the start of my journey when it comes to getting help for my eating and my mental health as a whole. However, I’ve already realised how wrong I was when I thought nobody would/could help me and that I should be ashamed of struggling and of being a man with an eating disorder.

I have also had my eyes opened to the whole world of help that is out there when it comes to eating disorders. There are so many amazing charities and services that can be accessed. Beat being one of them.

I have been able to share my story with those professionals who have helped me so far as well as my family and close friends, something I never thought I’d bring myself to do. Sharing felt like the most daunting thing at first and I really did not want to do it, however in hindsight it has helped me to no end. No more need to hide anything from anyone. I feel like after many years I have started to make the steps to come to terms with my eating disorder and how to deal with it. I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time and those feelings of shame are much less.

I would love the take aways from this to be that eating disorders do not have a look and they do not have a gender. I would say that I am living proof of that. There is also no shame in having an eating disorder as man, or as anyone. There is no shame in admitting you need help and there is no shame in seeking/undertaking that help.

Please reach out to someone if you are struggling.

Even if you don’t see it now, there is light, I promise you.

We only get one body and one brain, look after them.

Contributed by James

If you've been affected by this blog and are looking for support for you own eating disorder, or for a loved one's, please contact our Helpline today. For more information about bulimia, click here: bulimia. For more information about binge eating disorder, click here: binge eating disorder. We're here for you 💜