This poem is mainly about the complexity of my anorexia nervosa, which I have suffered from for five years now, but am currently the furthest in my recovery than i have ever been. I am at a healthy weight, a day patient in an eating disorder unit and am engaging in therapy. This poem is about how my anorexia feeds off all the emotions that I feel or perceive to feel.
Guidance
That feeling of rejection,
The stab as you're excluded,
You see everything and everyone
carry on around you,
Whilst you fall and fall,
Tumbling down into the depths,
Where no one can care.
But it's all good, you say,
They weren't there anyway.
Its then in these moments,
All is hard.
Eating feels like a life sentence,
You do because you should,
You'll hurt yourself later.
Sitting there alone,
Hurting,
No one to help.
But it's all good, you say,
They weren't there anyway.
It's the coldness,
The blankness,
Unacknowledgment.
It tears you up,
It's all too much to bear.
Stand up, dear,
Notice,
Breathe.
You are not all alone,
Can't you see?
The times spent,
Closeness,
All for you.
I know you see different,
But it's important to believe,
All you can't perceive.